Thursday, March 10, 2011

Pelican Bay

We are staying in the Pelican Bay area of Naples, FL. A lovely sterile, antiseptic area with never a piece of trash to be seen anywhere and where each blade of grass looks as if it is combed and the leaves are blown off the walks daily by the traveling worker bees who swarm everywhere.

It takes some time to get used to the traffic patterns as Pelican Bay allows no left turns. Everything here leans (veers?) to the right. Using the word “left” is frowned upon unless used despairingly against members of an opposing party. Someone told me that to buy property here you must swear that you and your entire family are Republicans, have always been Republicans and will always be Republicans.

There are many lovely homes here. Some newspaper listings show bargains for only $12,900,000. Hurry down. And condominiums can be purchased for only $2,000,000 and up. They sport fancy names such as Beaulieu-sur-Mer, Saint-Raphael, Les quelques privilégiés (French for The Privileged Few ), Je suis riche, vous n'êtes pas (French for I’m Rich, You’re Not) and others.

As you can imagine, security is very tight. Almost all residential areas have iron gates next to a guard house. I’ve never looked into a guard house but am sure therein are vicious dogs and guards armed with AK-47’s. Republicans must attack each other a lot.

On the community bulletin board are the usual notices, Bentley For Sale, Maids Needed along with some more interesting notes; Invest in WaterBoards R Us –not just for Terrorists anymore. Kids misbehaving? Wayward Spouse? Get in on the ground floor. For more information, call Dickhead Chaney at 555 – xxx-xxxx.